The Case of the Missing Tea Spoons

One of the last of it's kind...

     Stuff disappears. It’s a Law of the Universe right? Things just randomly disappear. Happens to everyone. Give you an example you say? Socks readily come to mind. I mean I don't doubt that there's a secret sock world which is only accessible through a special portal - the dryer. Scientists are still working on it but you get the point. Things disappear and believe it or not there are a set of unspoken rules that allow things to stay ‘disappeared’. I know, I know. It’s hard to believe but it’s true and I tell you, Dear Readers, that there is a disturbance in the force lately. Nearly all of our lovely teaspoons have gone missing and action needs to be taken! 

        So some of you are saying "tell me about the teaspoons!" and others are saying "unspoken rules? come on man! This is just more of your philosophical drivel". Well, maybe, but let's just get the rules out of the way first shall we? I mean, you already know them, I’m sure of it. It’s just that you’ve never seen them spelled out! It won't take but a minute so let's start on common ground. So we agree socks disappear. Easy one. BUT they don't disappear too often do they? Maybe once a month, sometimes two a month, but seldom more… and that's the first rule. 

     Disappearance Rule #1: They don’t disappear too often. Only enough to make you wonder where they went to... but not enough to make you REALLY put some effort into finding them. You might murmur to yourself about the disappearance, or if you’re my Dear Wife, you might curse and add another 'child' to the sock orphanage. (You laundry do-ers know what I am talking about). But you’re not gonna go looking for them too hard. I mean they're only socks right? And that’s the key to the second rule. 

     Disappearance Rule #2: The lost item is not important or expensive. Let’s face it. If you lose a sock every now and then… who cares? But if you lose say… your car keys? TOTALLY different story now isn’t it? That is a serious monkey wrench in the ole lifestyle and requires immediate attention. Lose your new Movado watch. You’ll tear the house down. Lose your wedding ring? I’ve seen grown men cry. My BF tore his summer cabin apart for one. But socks? bah. The game is on, why bother? Simple really. 

And now that you are steeped in the ways of disappearance, let’s get back to those teaspoons shall we? 

        Recently, my wife noticed that we were always woefully short of teaspoons. They broke rule #1 and brought themselves to her attention. Then she started wondering... where could they really go? They’re either in the dishwasher or in the sink, or maybe around the house, but other than that… where could they be? Arriving at no suitable answer, she leveled her accusatory gaze at me and proclaimed that I must be losing them at work! Of course I was indignant. I proclaimed my innocence. I feigned shock! But to no avail. She was not convinced and I had to unwillingly bear the badge of "spoon loser" at home… at least in her eyes. I really was innocent, but all was not lost dear readers! 

       Surprisingly, teaspoons continued to disappear until we were left with nothing but left over baby spoons and the garbage disposal victims. You know the spoons with the big tooth gouge in the edges. Admit it. You have them too. They’re really ugly and you don’t use them for eating but they can still stir stuff and you can’t bring yourself to throw them away. Pathetic right? Well that’s all we had left except two of the good spoons. Where WERE they going?

         

       The answer, so simple, decided to reveal itself to us one night after dinner. We had all just finished eating and as is proper, my youngest got up to bring her plate to the sink and throw out her trash. Well she opened the trash door and threw in the napkin, and the spoon! Then she put the cup and plate in the sink and blissfully walked away. Just like that another spoon lost! I just stood there for a second and stared at the spoon sitting in the trash can. How many had been lost this way? Quite a few dear readers I’m sure but I could not bring myself to be too harsh to my dear daughter. I mean I felt vindicated for sure, but the whole thing was just too funny to be mad about. So I gently scolded her about it and she went on her way and I did too, thinking the matter over. That is until last night when she did it again… Oh well. What’s a few spoons? At least I am no longer the "spoon loser" anymore!